Posted by
ShiningCity on Tuesday, August 19, 2008 4:21:22 PM
Raising a daughter is challenging. More now than ever, I meet women in their early 20's who can't function adequately in society. They only know to be a perpetual student living with their parents, or employed but living with their parents (because they can't have cell phones, a Prius, and a Prada bag if they don't). For their part, the parental excuse is "well, the world is much more complicated today than when we were young. Things are so much harder. . . Kids today need more help." And if the parents are ill-informed (read: democrats or Moderates), they'll drone on and on about how "bad" the economy is.
On closer scrutiny, I see the repetitive pattern of Loving-Your-Kid-So-Much-You-Don't-Let-Them-Do-Anything-On-Their-Own, which naturally leads to paralyzed adults who cannot function without: 1) entertainment, 2) support of "self-esteem," and 3) direction on how to accomplish tasks. She squeals, "Well.....I can't doooooo it....by mysellllf!" or "I need somebody to showwwww meeeee first!" Where's the Go Tackle the World mentality that was in me, in my Aunt, and in my Grandmother? And ironically, these same squealing girls get all exercised about discrimination against women.
As a mother of a 9-year-old daughter, I will admit that it is challenging to raise her. When she cries because she's not the best at Math Facts, it's hard not to say, "Oh, those stupid facts don't matter....look how pretty you are!" (Seriously.) Or when her feelings are hurt because she's not chosen first for the sports teams, it's easier to say, "Look, you got the ball somewhere near the field and the goal!! Great!!" and then go buy her an ice cream and some cute shoes. And today, the first day of 4th grade, it was hard not to park the car, get out, and walk with her into her (small, private, Christian) school (where she knows everyone), because she was feeling timid and shy (for about a minute). And why not walk her to her class? All the other parents are walking their daughters to class, holding their hands, telling them, "Oh, look see, it's going to be Great! There's all your friends! Look, there's Elena!" (as if the child can't see Elena on her own). Why not? I feel better; she feels supported. Why not?
Call me "hard hearted" or even "mean," but I maintain that much of my chutzpa came from finding my own way when I was a kid. Granted, I would never send my daughter into Denver International Airport saying, "well, just find your way!" But this is her school, where she's been for 4 years, where she's surrounded by people whose job it is to fawn over children and support and encourage them. It's a safe environment for her to make her way. Why not let her? This is how we build functional adults. Well-intentioned coddling every step of the way seems risky to me, if you ever intend for your child to leave your house. I felt a little guilty not getting out of the car, then I considered: when I went to 4th grade, my mom dropped me off at a bus stop and went to work. I got on a bus for the first time ever, rode over 20 miles to my new school, then found my way around. And I did the same thing again at 3:00 p.m., and I didn't get lost or hurt. Honestly, I attribute my current sense of adventure and fearlessness to such past experiences. My mother didn't harm me by putting me on the bus. I wasn't somehow "unloved."
I have considered what things women need as children and decided on two things: 1) to be educated, and 2) to be given safe opportunities to make bad decisions and experience failures. In psychobabble, this permits development of adult coping skills. Otherwise, we get naive, lack-luster, paralyzed, dumb women. And I'd like to give you some examples.
1. Alyssa Milano. Yep, cute little Samantha from the TV show Who's the Boss? Here she is all grown up, a self-proclaimed "philanthropist." Some of my favorite statements from her website:
"I feel really fortunate to have a public voice Strong enough to affect change Hope" Given that there are two acceptable meanings here, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she means what she wrote: "affect change" and not actually "effect change."
"I remind myself of the power of thought and how it's my obligation as a citizen (and student) of humanity to propel compassion." ("Citizens of humanity?")
From Miss Milano's biography: "However, her latest role is outside the world of Hollywood, as a philanthropist. Because of all her charitable work on behalf of children, Alyssa was invited by UNICEF in 2003 to become a National Ambassador." As we keep reading, the biography ends with her current work: "Milano also has her own clothing and jewelry line, TOUCH by Alyssa Milano. Launched in the Spring of 2007, TOUCH was born out of necessity. When Milano, an avid baseball fan, went to games, she wanted to wear fan gear to support her team, but found that the product mix offered in the marketplace did not address her everyday fashion needs. She felt women should be able to look stylish while cheering on their favorite team." ("Necessity?" Is this satire?)
Probing into the gallery section, juxtaposed to her statements on compassion are several links to photos of Miss Milano at Grammy After Parties, the Kentucky Derby, the Red Carpet, oh, well, there's the section on "philanthropy." Clicking the link, we see multiple shots of the actress handing out food to starving children in formal wear with her leg exposed through the slit in the dress. Here's the rub: in today's world, she doesn't actually have to be a philanthropist; she just has to say she is one, and presto! She is, and everybody loves her. You know, "Hope" and "Change" and all that good stuff. Now here's the point where many say, "Oh, but look how beautiful she is" and pretend that Miss Milano isn't vapid and shallow.
A couple more illustrations, and so as to take aim evenly, I'll move to some other female "inspirations."
2. In Rhianna's song Umbrella (great song, by the way), she twitters, "These fancy things, will never come inbetween. You're part of my entity, here for infinity." Infinity? Really? Hmmm.
I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just till he's horny and hungry
or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean
But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me
Oh Hurl. That feminazi stuff, it's so. . ."last year."
These are the women our little girls want to be when they grow up. Here's the thing: it isn't just that uneducated, naive women are irritating. The real problem is, They vote. Alyssa Milano for Obama. Jewel for Gore. Invest in your daughter's education and give her some experiences that will help her understand our world.