Posted by
ShiningCity on Sunday, February 03, 2008 11:54:03 PM
Recently, I've discovered a very effective way of getting attention from men. You know those dog whistles that are too high-pitched for our ears, but theoretically, can call in hordes of dogs? (I've never actually seen one work, but. . .) Well, I've discovered a Man-Whistle, of sorts. I can employ a maneuver that is guaranteed to make men come running from half-way down the block.
I saunter into any room that houses any sort of entertainment system. Typically, the television is the central component, but this also works with any genre of "media center." Using my fine sense of sight, I locate a remote control. (As soon as I notice more than one remote, I start to get excited, because the success of this maneuver is directly proportional to the number of remotes in the room
and the number of buttons on each remote.) If I have a choice of more than one remote, I select the remote branded "Panasonic" for my right hand, then any other for my "back up" left hand.
I aim the Panasonic at the entertainment system and begin punching its red buttons. Then, I look forlorn at the 2nd remote, and emphatically add, "How do I make this thing
work?" All of a sudden, the man who has not heard anything I've said for the past week is running into the room screaming, "What are you doing???!!!! Give me THAT!! You're going to breeeaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkk it!!!" Half the time, he's in a cold sweat by the time he rips the controls from my grip.
I don't know how it happens, but men everywhere can sense the infrared of a TV remote being operated in the hands of a female (especially me). I didn't say the attention was positive; I just said I could get attention.
I've also discovered men
especially like it when you get on your hands and knees and. . .uh. . . start poking at the buttons on the front of the TV. I use this one in the rare situations when the infrared sensing is off--usually when a storm is coming. They pay particular attention when you add, "Well, I tried the 8 remotes first, but I couldn't make it work, so now I'm trying to fix it." I do draw the line, however, at fiddling with the cables on the back. I mean, I'm just trying to get attention--not get myself killed.